The Chanderpaul conundrum

Oh Shiv. Watching you bat is like taking the N89 home after a night out – slow, uncomfortable, and marginally more tolerable when drunk. Can’t argue though – it does the job.

Oh Shiv. Your batting is like bad sex – taking one for the team, doggedly, you stay at the crease for as long as possible, too often falling short of that crucial milestone.

Oh Shiv. Your innings are like a sports writer groping for convoluted similes – tedious but ultimately effective (a bit meta there).

You scored a total of 178 runs in the Lord’s Test. I’d bought your series runs for 50p at 235 on Sporting Index. The spread is now up to 333-343. The question is what to do.

The cautious man might close out. Best part of fifty quid in the back pocket – thanks very much. The sane man might let the bet ride – watch you grind away at England once again and move serenely into profit.

Why, then, have I gone and sold your runs? Sure, I lock in the £50, but, it feels like I’ve watched you bat for days already this summer, I dream of you laconically pulling your bat inside the line, why am I setting myself up for a world of pain?

IT and Maths not wasted on me at school!

There’s the gut feeling that you are due a failure. Of course, gut feelings are rarely the punter’s friend.

However, even if you do get ‘in’ your slow scoring means you risk running out of partners before you can make a really damaging score. Unlike a Lara or a Gayle, your propensity to really hurt the spread bettor is limited. A couple of mediocre knocks at Trent Bridge and I can close out (or flip again) for a healthy profit ahead of the final test.

Nevertheless, the thought of opposing you makes me feel quite sick.



  1. I’d imagine all of England’s bowlers and back room staff are focussed on a plan to dismiss Chanderpaul. Shiv seems to bat in his own world and I can’t see him being desperate to move up the order and potentially face a newer ball. We’ll see tomorrow morning,

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